Additional Rule(s) for Craigslisting, According to Kira

11.) I'm not a freaking ATM. I don't accept Visa, Mastercard, OR American Express. Why would you give these numbers out, anyway??? I also don't accept checks - personal, government, cashiers, or otherwise. I don't give change. I probably don't want to trade my crappy table for your crappy table. If you want to give me two dozen roses and a back massage, ok. First Born children are also perfectly acceptable in leu of payment. ;)

Finnigan and the $89 cookie

*Alternate Title: Kira's Act of Monumental Stupidity

Went to Shoppers Drug Mart. Put baby in cart. Shopped. Paid. Gave baby a cookie from package purchased. Went out to parking lot. Put baby in car. Drove away.

Got home.

Realized error.

Fuck.

Rules for Craigslisting, According to Kira

1.) Don't charge me a price for your used piece of crap that I can get it for new. It's just not worth it, and I don't get that "retail therapy" high as when I have a flashy new carrier bag and a receipt.

2.) Don't pose your dog in all your pictures of your table/baby swing/flowerpot. No I don't think your dog is cute. At all. And I don't want to pay for your used crap just to have to dig it out from under layers of pet hair. Nor will I give you a dime more for your item because of any icky-poo cutesy puppy model. I'll actually probably just skip your listings all together.

3.) When you contact me regarding one of my listed items, and you would like to buy it, don't assume I'll hold onto it until the end of time/whenever you can get your butt off the couch. Sorry, but I'm in this to get rid of my crap and make a few bucks. Not to be your personal storage shed.

4.) If your item is no longer available, remove your posting. 'Nuff said. Don't waste my time getting my hopes up. Let me move on!

5.) Don't make me guess what your item looks like. Post a CLEAR picture, with the item for sale taking up as much of the photo as possible. Otherwise I'm inclined to believe that china hutch/living room set/toddler is included with the listed teacup.

6.) Wear clothes when photographing reflective items. You all know what I'm talking about.

7.) Saying "if item isn't bought by x-day, it's going to the dump" doesn't instill a sense of value to your item. Unless you're giving it away for free.

8.) "Unique" means there are one of them in the world. "Rare" means there are very few of them in the world. Items purchased from Walmart/Ikea/Future Shop qualify as neither.

9.) True antiques are, by definition, AT LEAST 100 YEARS OLD. Looking "old" does not qualify your item for antique status.

10.) "Mint Condition", "Near-Perfect Condition", and "Excellent Condition" are not interchangeable terms. If you've so much as SNEEZED on it, it's not Mint Condition. Gently used items are automatically relegated to the "Decent but Useable" category.

Adventures in Craigslisting

I've decided that I have too much stuff. And I need some money. So, I'm doing the obvious thing: Selling said stuff for required $$$. Posting "For Sale" flyers has a very small audience. Doing a Garage Sale is WAAAAAYY too much work for my lazy busy self. Ebay is just entirely too complicated with it's long distance shipping and paypal... Enter Craigslist. I put my old junk gently used goods' pics online, I reach a whole bunch of people via the wonder of the interwebs. We meet somewhere in the geographical and monetary middle, then they bring cash and I bring item. Here you go, thank you, DONE. I love it. It's a Garage Sale for the 21st century.

Sigh, the only problem is that I've had no nibbles. Nada. Maybe my junk is too junky? The general population has realized that one man's trash truly is another mans trash? Maybe I spelled "bowls" wrong, and someone thinks I'm selling the lowest part of my intestines? Hmmm... :( Turns out selling stuff is a good idea in theory, but it requires something beyond my control - a buyer. However, I am giddy at the thought of actually GETTING a buyer! I'm obsessed with checking my email waiting for that offer to come in! Who'd've thought that finding someone willing to come cart my unwanteds away would be so exciting??? I find myself looking around for more stuff to sell. I don't really need a fridge/stove/bathtub, do I? On second though, I think I'd lose my damage deposit... Anyone wanna buy the half-eaten box of Raisin Bran in my cupboard? I've got some leftover halloween candy with your name on it! No? Maybe some shampoo dregs for the lady? A tube of lipstick that, as it turns out, is REALLY not my colour?

Sigh. So far this adventure is rather one-sided. Maybe it would help if I posed Vana White style in the pictures? "Note: Glittery model wannabe not included."

C'mon world, help a girl out!

Check them out!!!

Scroll alllllllll the way down to the bottom of my blog. Aren't they cool? Don't worry, no one can see your info but YOU. :)

My ears are still ringing...

This is where we went today:

It's called Crash Crawleys, and it's like a McDonalds playplace on Speed, Ecstacy, AND Crack. With a Ritalin chaser. And we VOLUNTARILY went there! The things we do for small children... It was actually a lot of fun, the kids got to run and scream and throw balls at boys. Finnigan mostly sat in the baby ballpit and drooled.

Unfortunately, the girls were going a thousand miles a minute, and my camera is not able to capture things moving at warp speed, ergo I have a great number of pictures that look like this:


Those little pink blurs are the girls. They're having fun.

Public Service Announcement: I'm pretty sure my hearing has been damaged beyond repair. Get used to hearing a lot of "WHAT?!?", "PARDON ME?" and "CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?" from me. All future conversations will be conducted by text message. Thank you, and have a nice day. :)

Lock up your grandparents...

The kids and I went to the old-folks home today. The old folks looooooove kids. Some of them also love picking their unmentionables immediatly beforehand. (Gag.) I digress...

Mom was getting Lily to help get *Mrs. Smith*, who was in a wheelchair, down the hall to the elevators so she could go downstairs for dinner. I'm not entirely sure what prompted her to do so, but I'm guessing the fumes from that place have finally sanitized her brain. Six-year-old girls do not understand the needs of the elderly - nay, the needs of anyone but themselves. They do, however, innately understand the principals of RACING. Take one six-year-old who is built like a gazelle, give her an old lady on wheels and a straightaway... There's no good outcome to this scenario. Let's just say that it's a good thing Mrs. Smith was wearing her depends, because she definitly shat herself today!

Lesson number one: Six-year-olds need more explanation and guidance than a troop of blind armless eskimos lost in the rainforest.

Lesson number two: Guiding something/one (at high speeds) should only be attempted when you are tall enough to see overtop of it/them.

Lesson number three: Wheelchairs really ought to have brakes...

Blackberry Blogging

Good God I love my new Blackberry Curve. :). I'm actually sitting outside in the sunshine, waiting for the bell to ring signalling dismissal at my daughters elementary school. It's a beautiful thing!

Too bad it's costing me approximately $40 to post this way rather than just wait until I got home...

(Kidding, obviously. I have a good plan. I batted my eyelashes, and the guy at the cell store was ready to hand over his 401K. LOL.)

How did you find me?

Please leave a comment and let me know how you found my blog!

(Ok, this is a shameless plea for comments. I'm an addict, I'll admit it! Plus, well, I'm curious!)

Hope to hear from you all!

Finnigan being cute

Finnigan is a giant flirt. He'll even flirt with himself, as evidenced here:

:)

Lillian Says:

Woman on TV: ...I've been having more orgasms...
Lillian: Mommy, why does that lady have more gas?
Mommy: I think she just has to toot, sweetie.
Lillian: Oh. Ok.

(BTW, we were watching Hope & Faith, which is rated pg13 at most.)

Fresh Outta tha Tub!

This is the best "'do" I could do with what little fuzz he has. I love fresh clean babies!

Coolest Wind-Up Toy EVER!

Today at the Dollar Store, I found this wind-up toy. Is this cool or WHAT? I bought it for Finn. I swear. So what if I've been playing with it since then... I'll have to go back tomorrow and get the black army guy so I can make them race. My appologies to all the army guys I've now offended by making Captain Plastic here hold his gun improperly. ;)

Tag. I'm it!

Damn, I got net-tagged. See what happens when I run my mouth on other people's blogs? ;) Thanks Teri.

Well, let's get it on.

The Rules:
1.) Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
B.) Share seven facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
III.) Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
Lastly) Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Now to create erm, think of seven different things you don't know about me that I haven't already posted in the column to your right... Here goes.

1.) I fully and completely support the death penalty. Just be really REALLY sure you've got the right person, K?

2.) I sneak "tastes" whenever I feed Finnigan pureed peaches. They've always been my favorite.

3.) I have a MAJOR TV crush on Edward J. Stevens from the show "Ed". Boy is hawt!

4.) I can and do eat entire Rhubarb Strawberry pies to myself. They count as a serving of fruit, right?

5.) I can curse like a sailor.

6.) I can't always keep #5 in check.

7.) I can do a spot-on imitation of a little old portugese woman. Just ask my mom or cousin.

Now for the tagging:

Dawn - My little coupon QUEEN, and my cyber friend turned BFF. Her Mia and my Finn were born the same day, and we've already arranged their marriage. She owes me three chickens, half a goat, and a sack of grain.
Pauline - One of my most faithful commenters - I love you for it!
Kari-Anne - A fellow Canuck, and a wonderful person.
Malisa - Photographer/Artist extrodinaire!
Gentri - My faithful, informative, and fun cyber blog stalker!

(FYI, BBC mommies rule all.)

Ok, I fail. I really only have five friends I can link to. I'll ammend this list if I can find more people who won't kill me for essentially sending them a blog forward.

I have to go now, Finnigan is eating ground up cheese crackers from under the couch.

I Feel Proud :)

Today at the Little Park Lillian found a change purse full of money (about $15). She tried to find the owner, but no one knew who it belonged to. She brought it in the house for safekeeping. A few minutes later a woman showed up at the park looking for one. She described it and the contents, and Lily dutifully returned it. For her honesty, the woman gave her a $2 reward.

I'm so proud of Lily!

Lovely Ladies

Sisters in Springtime

Spring is here!

The weather is beautiful, and it's finally stopped raining.

This is Finn's first introduction to the ground outside:

This is Finnigan discovering grass:

This is Finn ripping grass out by the handfull:

This is Finn tasting the grass he'd ripped out:

The verdict? Grass is not for eating.

Don't mess with naptime

When naptime hits, it hits HARD and FAST.

Baby's First Driving Lesson

We were in line at the ferries recently, and Finn was getting restless. Daddy's solution?

Finnigan thought this was great fun. The people in the white truck just outside the drivers-side window thought it was hysterical.

(Don't get your knickers in a wad, the car was shut off, as were the 400 or so surrounding us.)

Beautiful day for a walk(er)

I Like Peas!

Life, Love, Lipgloss

My daughters are prissy to the nth degree. It's frightening how much they are like me. Today they insisted on wearing their fanciest duds for an outdoor birthday party at the park. The birthday boy was turning two, and he had his shirt on backwards. Lillian wants her own manicure set for her birthday. As far as Rachel is concerned, the best insult in the world is calling someone "Mister". It's like God and my mom are in cahoots. Maybe it's my fault. I painted our kitchen table pink. Bubblegum pink. Poor Finn. He's doing his level best to balance out all the estrogen in this house, but he's only ten months old and his mother insists on buying him dolls. I think I'll enjoy my estrogen-infused universe while I can. Once it's wall-to-wall army gear again, there's no going back!

Waiter, there's pesticides/herbicides/fungicides/growth hormones in my soup...

A rose, by any other name... Could very well be Genetically Modified.

I got a new book about Organic food and all of it's benefits. I may never eat commercially produced food again. Seriously. Did you know that mass-produced corn has been genetically modified with DNA from a human COLON CANCER CELL to grow faster? I'm without words. Mmmm, how about a big ol' ear of colon cancer with dinner?!? Disgusting. Don't get me started on the plight of milk, chickens, and even chocolate.

I'm moving to the midwest and joining a hippy commune.

Lillian Says:

(Sounds of crashing, banging, and apparent disaster come from the kitchen)

Lily: "Mom! I opened the cupboard and the cookies attackled me!"

I'M BACK, BABY!!!

Shaw 1, Kira 0.

Apparently if you don't pay your bill in a timely manner, you get disconnected. Hmmm. Oh well. The point is, I'm BACK!

I begrudgingly give props to Shaw. I paid my bill yesterday, and today the not only received it, but processed it and applied my payment to my account in less than 24 hours. Well done.