GYM: Day 4

Things I've learned thus far at the gym:

1. No, you can NOT claim you "went to the gym" if all you did was go there to sit in the hottub. They won't let me count that on my attendance card. Damn.
2. There is NO WAY TO CHEAT when you have a shadow personal trainer. He'll make you do every last one of those crunches.
3. Elliptical machines are mean. They hate me personally.
4. I have more weight to lose than I thought I did. *pout*. According to my BMI, height/weight/age/blah blah blah, I should lose aproximately 15lbs. Or I can gain 45lbs of muscle, whichever I'd prefer. I'd like to choose secret option C, buy bigger pants and pretend I've lost the weight. Then eat bon-bons.
5. I don't know the technical names of ANY of my own muscles. Luckily, my trainer guy speaks "girl". "The thing next to my other thing" is my quadracep. In other circles, it's my fanbelt. Okie.
6. A few of the machines do not have petite enough settings for someone of my stature. They require assistance. Like sitting on a phonebook. Or a booster seat. I am too wee for the gym.
7. When the dietician lady suggests I sprinkle some nuts on my morning oatmeal for a shot of protein, no - she does not mean I can substitute brown sugar and full-fat creamer.
8. You have two options: Hang your shower towel on a hook that's far away from the shower and walk naked back and forth, or take your towel into the stall with you and negate the purpose of having said towel in the first place. 8b. Big-ass shower towels are heavy when wet, and will aggravate tired, just-worked muscles.
9. There is no known cure for a flat butt. Thanks mom.
10. The people who work at the gym have all met Finnigan. They all know I'm just there to shower in peace.