I'll trade you two testicles for an ovary

Well, if you're wondering why you haven't heard from me lately, it is because The Daddy has arrived on leave. Hee hee.

In other news, today we traded gender roles! He fixed dinner while I played plumber. Dinner was great, I'll let you know how my plumb job holds later.

I went back to the gym today after two long weeks of being lazy housebound during March Break. I hurt. I barely made it through my workout. I can't wait to go back tomorrow!

My hair is red. I loooove it so much. I'll post pics soon, right now it's not got any product in it and I've worked up quite a 'fro. Note to self: Curly hair + short haircut = rather believable sheep impression. Yeah. Not good.

Bordom - not curiosity - killed the cat

Have you even been really bored, so you go on Craigslist to tool around? And then once you've run out of sections of CL that interest you to look at, you start to look at the non-interesting categories? Have you ever clicked on the "Casual Encounters" tab?

No? Then DON'T.

Furthermore, do NOT click on any ad therein with a pic attached. Just DON'T.

I did. That is where I learned the following:

1. Somewhere, someone has a fetish for EVERYTHING. I understand the dress-up ones, but used maxi pads? Defecation? Hemmoroids? I have been schooled.
2. "Before Work" is the most popular time for a BJ.
3. Some of the men in my area should be porn actors.
4. Most of the women should not.
5. You really can tell the fake boobs from the real ones. Huh.
6. Pregnant women are in surprising demand.
7. The ferry from here to the mainland is just one big orgy on water. I'll be staying in my car from now on.
8. "Young" is mid-30's.
9. A suspicious number of posters seem to be "just passing through".
10. If you can host - you can have anything you want.

I'm actually a little alarmed. I go out into the town, and all these people are just walkin' around, acting all normal... Now I know that when the lights go out, the freakshow begins!

Me, as a (temporary) blonde

Now don't go getting used to this, it's just phase 1. Phase 2 is adding the red!
(See? I TOLD you all it was short. I look like a boy.)

Maybe I should have put makeup on...

Back at it!

Craigslisting, that is. I thought I got rid of all my unnecessary junk. I was wrong.

Wish me luck!

Green things

For some reason, we don't have any dandilions around here. Isn't that strange? Instead, we have wild daffodils. Did I mention that these were my absolute favorite wild flowers? They are my absolute favorite wild flowers. :) The girls have been picking them for me by the handful.

Anyone need any basil? This stuff must be a weed, the way it grows. It's insane! I forsee much pesto in my future... At least my kitchen smells nice. :)

I don't know what kind of bean this is, but it is MASSIVE. The girls found it outside on our front lawn. So of course I put it in some water! I hope it's a magical beanstalk that will take care of my financial worries forever... It has a picture of a tyrannosaurus-rex on it though, I hope that's not alluding to anything.

These little babies are spruce trees! I grew them from actual SEEDS. Aren't they adorable? I can't believe a tree as big as a spruce grows from such little bitty seeds. These have to be watered twice a day, they just suck up water like you wouldn't believe. But they're so cute, I just fawn all over them all day.

My black thumb must be turning green! Stuff is GROWING for me! Mmmm, oxygen. ;)

'Stupid' squared

Anyone got a spare crate I can borrow? Say one from a mid-sized dog? I have two little THINGS I need to lock up.

I am very. very. irritated.

They clogged up my sink AGAIN. Yesterday, I had to take apart all the pipe-y things underneath to clear it out, and I broke one so it was leaking... Then today it's clogged up again. I refuse to call a plumber. Plumbers cost money, and I don't have $70 to blow each time those two THINGS decided to plug the drain with toilet paper.

Thus, I will be taking apart the sink AGAIN tonight.

Then, I will be fixing the leak. With Mighty Putty.

Then, I will be barricading the bathroom door. And putting a lock on it. And an alarm. Maybe a guard dog.

I am very. very. FRUSTRATED.

'Scuse me, I have to go bang my head against a brick wall. Repeatedly.

Nom nom nom...

Tonight I made homemade chili for the first time EVER. By myself. It was goooood. Mmmm, I love me some kidney beans. No anemia here tonight! The kids had a spaggetti dinner at their friend's house, but when they came home they asked for some chili anyway - and ate a whole serving each! The baby loved it so much he didn't even bother smearing any on himself.

I also made fresh rolls.

Oh yeah.

Next stop: Ontario?

We've always known that where we are living is only temporary. With the base we are on being primarily Navy, and The Daddy being Army, there is simply nothing here for him to do. Realistically, we're here only until springtime 2010. That is when The Daddy returns from Afganistan and subsequently becomes superfluous to this area. In fact, he subsequently becomes superfluous to this half of Canada. He's been asked, more than once, to accept a teaching position (within the military) at the same base in Ontario where we met. This would mean a few things for our family:

1. He'd be teaching, and therefor working normal hours, coming home every night at the same time, not going away for extended periods, I wouldn't have to worry about him being blown up. He'd have a regular job but in green pajamas.
2. I have lots of friends and family there. Aunts, cousins, a grandmother, Samanamanamantha, my oldest friend in the world Amanda (not that she's old, I've just known her longest. She's young. And pretty. And I think I'd be there in time for her wedding... Manda? Yes?) Ali, Jen, Erin, Tracy, and the rest of the NLP - Good times. Basically, I'd have much more of a support network there than here. Even my little bro would be a mere car ride away, at the next base over with his fiancee (by then, wife).
3. Cheaper housing market. We could afford to buy instead of throwing our money down the pooper by renting.
4. We could be in the same place for many many years - maybe forever. The kids could have roots and we would finally feel "settled".

Yes, I'd be moving away from my mom, dad, and other bro (and various other family that migrated to BC). That makes me sad, but when stacked up against everything we'd be gaining... Well, I feel compelled to put my family first. My family is myself, my husband, and our kids. The Daddy and I feel like this is the best decision for us despite the downsides. So, he's accepted the teaching position, and failing that falling through or them deciding they desperately need him here - that's where we'll be going.

I don't know why I bothered taking anything out of boxes.

No, it's not a metaphor

*Ring Ring!*

Me: Hello?
Friend: Hey. Whatcha doin'?
Me: Washing my basil.
Friend: "..."
Me: No, really.
Friend: Oh. Well... Ok. Bye...
Me: "..."

*click*

(Fruitflies had laid eggs on my basil, and I don't want to use bug killer on food - so I washed them off with water. What? I thought that was genius! Little buggy bastards.)

Please don't fall out, please don't fall out...

And so it begins. I'm sitting here with a scalp full of hair lightener, hoping it doesn't turn out day-glo orange like last time. I tried a new brand, and I'm going to live as a blonde for a few days until the pH in my hair settles down again before going red. Keep your fingers crossed. I'll post a pic after my shower. Be prepared.

Did I tell you all that I had to hack off a good portion of my hair? I did. See, I went and got it cut just to trim up the ends and layer it a bit, and the CRAAAAZY hairdresser... Well, she had other plans. She literally started lifting up handfuls of my hair and hacking out random clumps! I was a little paralyzed by the mounds of hair falling away from my head. It was like when Homer tried to cut Marge's hair on The Simpsons. Not good. I didn't dare ask her to fix it, I'd've ended up bald for sure! So, I had to go to another hairdresser at a different salon to try and salvage some kind of a hair-do out of it. C'mon, I looked like an electrified poodle having a bad hair day. I cried. Anyway, now my hair is pretty freaking short (not even bob length!) and it makes me really sad. Saved a bit of money on hair dye though, as I only need one box now. Sigh. Just keep that in mind when I post pics, ok? This is NOT the hairstyle I want! Def. a hair-don't. But maybe some really awesome colour will distract from that. Man I wish I still had enough length left for a ponytail. :(

Ok. Deep breath. Off to check the process! Be kind!

I have... A synopsis:

"Breasts everywhere finally find a voice in this satire that will (hopefully) make women nod their heads and men want to read along - despite the lack of pictures. It's a glimpse into the secret life of mammaries that speaks to the boob in us all."

Would this make you pick it off the shelf?

NaNoWriMo ME TOO!

(Whomever it was on NBBC that had the link to NaNoWriMo in their siggy, I am eternally indebted to you. Now come be my friend over there!)

I have joined an online community of people who each pledge to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. There's even a chapter (lol, "chapter") that meets in my area! However;

I have no plot.

I have no characters.

I have no previous experience.

But I do have determination. Plus, they say it doesn't have to be any good, as long as it's 50, 000 words. In fact, they say it will PROBABLY be very bad, and that's just how it's supposed to be.

This is gonna be GREAT!

(To check it out, click on the pic.)

He's a real fun-gi

I'm watching a documentary on fungi. I don't even like mushrooms.

- but -

there's a really cute little cartoon mushroom guy that pops up every now and then with interesting fungus facts, and it's very cute and makes me giggle and that is why I'm watching a documentary on Fungi.

Even though I don't even like mushrooms.

The Results are In:

The "Choose My Haircolour" poll is now closed. Red won, with 60% of the vote.

I can only get to red via blonde.

I'll post pics so we can all laugh at me together. :)

Cinnimony Fresh

Last night, after the children were nestled all snug in their beds, I finally got around to mopping the floors and getting the stains out of the sofa. I was so looking forward to coming downstairs this morning to clistening floors beneath my feet, and curling up with my coffee on a sofa that was beige once again.

It is apparent that my children had other ideas.

I do appreciate that they can get out of bed and put their own toast in the toaster, but really - do they have to decide on cinnamon toast without telling me? Do they have to hold their toast out in front of them while they sprinkle cinnamon for said cinnamon toast? Do they absolutely have to somehow get cinnamon not only over every. single. square inch. of the kitchen, but leave a trail of it through the living room and up the stairs? I didn't even know we had that much cinnamon. Furthermore, HOW do you manage to smear butter between the inside of the trashcan and the bag??

On the upside, my house smells like I've been baking all day - and I won't gain a pound!

I can't decide if this is gross or not.

While I sort laundry for folding, I weed out anything that the kids have grown out of to give to Goodwill. We finally filled up the second garbage bag today, so it was time for a drop-off. While we were there, we toodled about the store, poking around at what other people had weeded out. Well, Rachel found lemon-yellow bedsheet for 99cents, and she gave me the big pleading eyes until I agreed to get it for her. To be fair, she's wanting to do her whole room in that colour, so I would have had to look for lemon-yellow sheets eventually anyway. But how icky is this, exactly? I mean, used bedsheets. It's just the fitted sheet, and it's in really good condition, but someone else has slept on it. Ok. I can wash it, right? We've all slept at hotels, this can't be any worse than THAT.

And well, it's her - not me.

Opinions? WWYD?

Well, that was easier than I thought.

So I called the gas company today. Finn screamed in the background the ENTIRE time. Of course, by "in the background" I mean "in the ear not occupied by the phone". I don't really recall what was said, but they'll be sending a guy out to hook me back up within the next three hours.

I knew I had that boy for a reason.

Stupid is as stupid does...

So, guess who is just dumber than a bag of dead cats?

I'll tell you! Me! I am dumber than a BIG bag of dead cats! See, the last house I was in was an apartment. The GAS BILL was included in my rent. Therefore, I did not need to worry my pretty little head about it. Now in THIS house, it is evidently not included. Now, WHO do you suppose didn't remember this tidbit of information? WHOO has completely neglected to pay said gas bill since we moved in? WHOOO has not worried her pretty little head about it?

Me, that's who.

And now who has had the gas shut off, and now has no heat - and more unhappily - no hot water?

Yeah.

And who already spent her available funds paying other bills and getting groceries and even splurging on her very VERY expensive brain medicine?

I'll bet you've caught on by now.

It's gonna be a chilly couple of weeks in The Mommy's house.

(I'm sure they sent me bills and even notified me about the upcoming disconnection. See, the problem is I don't actually OPEN my bills, I just look at what I owe online. I should really start opening my mail...)

Hey Nana, make up the guest bed.

Today Lillian told me she is moving to Singapore to live with Nana and Grandad. She even packed her bags. She brought her dress shoes, clean underwear, and an extra pillow. She put some cereal in a ziploc bag to eat on the plane, and counted out her leftover Yen. She figures the 80 or so Yen (less than $1) she has from our stopover in Japan earlier this year should get her a plane ticket from there to Singapore. She was quite upset with me when I wouldn't let her raid my change jar to pay for her ticket from here to there. I told her to get a job. She asked how much money she'd need, and I told her about $4000. She refuses to believe that they won't let her fly by herself so young. She's got it all figured out though. She's going to save her allowance to pay for the cab to the ferry, take the ferry across, and pay for the cab to the airport. She hasn't quite figured out how to pay for the first flight, but she's hoping Nana will call her so she can ask her for a ticket. So Nana, call Lily. She's got something to ask you. And can I please listen in? Well, I really only want to hear Lily's side, it's sure to be one of those moments to remember. Maybe I'll record it for posterity. She decided that she'll write me once a week, but that any pictures of herself she sends are strictly to go to Finnigan. If she wants one to go to me, she'll specify that in her letter. Adios family, ciao school, sayonara friends. Lily's moving overseas.

I wish her well.

She's too precocious for her own damn good.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

So I took the kids to McDisgustington's tonight for dinner, as promised. We even went inside so they could play in the even-more-disgusting playplace. They went in and played while I got the "food", and then we sat down in the playroom to eat. While we were eating, this guy at another table looks over and says,



"Your girls are so quiet, how on earth do you do it?"



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I laughed so hard, I'm pretty sure he feared for his children's safety. He sure looked at me like I was deranged. Oh, if only he could spend a day in my life. Turns out he's a single dad with three little girls, and those girls are apparently my girls' soulmates. I told him "Pal, my kids are FAR from quiet. It's only because I ran them like DOGS all day today and threatened to break their little faces if they misbehaved that they're even acting like humans in here. Trust me, your girls are perfectly normal!"



Then I brought them home and bathed them in bleach and hand sanitizer, because those McAwful's playplaces really make my skin crawl.