I'm sorry, God is out of the office. You want Jesus?

The company I work for is not exactly, erm, overflowing with people who speak-a da englishes.

This is a souce of immense fun for those of us who DO speak-a dem englishes.

We have a man in our ranks whose name is Gord. Gord is a destinctly North-American name, no? However, for certain types who are markedly less "north american", that "r" is such a slippery little bastard. The following are actual excerpts from files I pulled today:

"Attention GOD, your delivery is LATE!!!" (Oh wait, I think I wrote that one towards the end of my first pregancy...)

"Mr. God, please be advised that if these deficiencies are not corrected, we will be forced to take legal action..." Um. Good luck with that.

"...God's vacation request has been denied..." Yeah, for the last TWELVE BILLION YEARS.

"God will be working for Mr. Xxx..." When you say "for", you mean "as lord and master of" right?

*In an email* "God, where the HELL were you yesterday???" I'm sure he gets this a lot.

And my personal favorite, the inter-office Memo:

"Effective immediatly, God (LastName) is no longer employed at Comany XYZ." Oh well, back to "Plan B"...