FOR THE SWEET LOVE OF JESUS, PEDIGREE!!!

You have GOT to find a new ad campaign!!! Seriously now. Whomever pitched this current one to you is an asshole. Only someone who tongue-kisses their dog would be ok with a commercial where the disgusting sound of something without lips CHEWING for a full half-minute is the main focus.

I'll bet you're losing money, aren't you? Personally, your commercials send me into KILL mode, and it's affecting my feelings towards your company. Your current commercial, the one for Dentastix? Yeah, that one makes me want to rent a car and drive over some puppies. A LOT of puppies.

I understand the premise, really I do, but it's the accompanying sound track that's gotta go. I'm down with the simple white background and the dog enjoying his treat, but how about some nice muzak to go along with it? Or even just the half-aroused sounding guy who moans on about your product, he's fine. Just GET. RID. OF. THE. CHEWING. SOUNDS.

Don't make me go all Crazy White Girl on you.

Puppies' lives are at stake. A LOT of puppies. Fix it.

(Seriously, I'm begging you. It makes my bloodpressure skyrocket. I broke my computer mouse by throwing it at the tv because I couldn't find the remote fast enough...)

A POX on Pedigree's Ad people!!!

Those commercials are driving me CRAZY. Who on EARTH would want to listen to 30 full seconds of a DOG CHEWING??? What kind of DUMBASS thought up THAT??? I am hereby boycotting all things pedigree until they come out with a new series of commercials. Seriously people, your ads are disgusting. They absolutely make my skin crawl. Would you want to listen to a person chew noisily for an entire commercial just to advertise a restaurant? NO! Grow a brain!

Oh, and since I'm on the subject, listen up CMT! Airing those ads a hundered times a night is affecting your ratings. Seriously. I can't even flick through your station for fear you'll be airing YET ANOTHER slobbery disgusting chewing ad. BARF. If Tom Cavanaugh wasn't so dang cute on "Ed", I'd boycott your station altogether just for good measure.

*Shudder*

Rules for Craigslisting, According to Kira

1.) Don't charge me a price for your used piece of crap that I can get it for new. It's just not worth it, and I don't get that "retail therapy" high as when I have a flashy new carrier bag and a receipt.

2.) Don't pose your dog in all your pictures of your table/baby swing/flowerpot. No I don't think your dog is cute. At all. And I don't want to pay for your used crap just to have to dig it out from under layers of pet hair. Nor will I give you a dime more for your item because of any icky-poo cutesy puppy model. I'll actually probably just skip your listings all together.

3.) When you contact me regarding one of my listed items, and you would like to buy it, don't assume I'll hold onto it until the end of time/whenever you can get your butt off the couch. Sorry, but I'm in this to get rid of my crap and make a few bucks. Not to be your personal storage shed.

4.) If your item is no longer available, remove your posting. 'Nuff said. Don't waste my time getting my hopes up. Let me move on!

5.) Don't make me guess what your item looks like. Post a CLEAR picture, with the item for sale taking up as much of the photo as possible. Otherwise I'm inclined to believe that china hutch/living room set/toddler is included with the listed teacup.

6.) Wear clothes when photographing reflective items. You all know what I'm talking about.

7.) Saying "if item isn't bought by x-day, it's going to the dump" doesn't instill a sense of value to your item. Unless you're giving it away for free.

8.) "Unique" means there are one of them in the world. "Rare" means there are very few of them in the world. Items purchased from Walmart/Ikea/Future Shop qualify as neither.

9.) True antiques are, by definition, AT LEAST 100 YEARS OLD. Looking "old" does not qualify your item for antique status.

10.) "Mint Condition", "Near-Perfect Condition", and "Excellent Condition" are not interchangeable terms. If you've so much as SNEEZED on it, it's not Mint Condition. Gently used items are automatically relegated to the "Decent but Useable" category.

Blackberry Blogging

Good God I love my new Blackberry Curve. :). I'm actually sitting outside in the sunshine, waiting for the bell to ring signalling dismissal at my daughters elementary school. It's a beautiful thing!

Too bad it's costing me approximately $40 to post this way rather than just wait until I got home...

(Kidding, obviously. I have a good plan. I batted my eyelashes, and the guy at the cell store was ready to hand over his 401K. LOL.)

Rogers is my nemesis.

My Crackberry fails. It won't even turn on. I'm going through withdrawls! Somebody, please - if the world is in the process of imploding, leave me a message here so I will know.
On the upside, my toilet now works...