My tooth is killing me!

Root canal on Tuesday. Fun!

Because God hates me personally

Remember how I was whining about having a cavity? Yeah, it's not a cavity, it's a cavern. The dentist doesn't even know if he can save the tooth, so I have to go in again to see if the tooth can be saved via root canal, or if it's a lost cause and I need a molar-ectomy followed by a dental implant (of which I want two, just because then I can walk around telling people I have implants. Heee.). Next Wednesday I go back and he is going to "remove all the soft tissue from that tooth" which sounds like it will hurt but I am assured I do not need the soft stuff, only the hard stuff (always a good rule of thumb, no?). Better me than The Daddy though, I say, because at least I am not a wussy GIRL when it comes to the dentist. Poor Mr. big military man is a-scareded of a little oral action.

Anyway, my new dentist shall now be known as Dr. Hottie, because no need to say open wide - my jaw hit the floor when he came in! Har har har, all is well until he stuck a pic in my cavern (and not the fun way) and then I bit him. Tool. Do not poke exposed nerves with sharp objects! Isn't that like dental rule #3, right after brushing and flossing? I digress. He asked very sweetly if I'd be ok if he blew a bit of air on the bad bits, because (and I quote) he "didn't want to have to peel me of the ceiling - but the pic he just lays into me with. See? Education can only get you so far. So I may or may not look like a hillbilly for a while.

By the by, root canals and tooth removal are covered by our insurance. Crowns and implants are NOT. We're hoping for the root canal and crown, because otherwise I'll have to pony up $3k out of my own pocket. Of course, Dr. Hottie Happy Pic "recommends" an implant because of my age. Youngness wise. See, implants are more durable. WTF does he think I'm putting in there, rocks?

Oh, AND, AND the dumbass that removed my wisdom teeth only got three. I am still somewhat wisdomous. They took my #2 molar instead in that corner. Whatever the hell a #2 molar is. Whatever. The short and the short of it is that the cavity from hell is right beside my stowaway wisdom tooth, but because they removed the molar the wisdom tooth fell over and is now sideways so that the top part is now facing forward in my mouth, which creates a lovely little pocket for food and God knows what to get caught between that and my holey tooth, which explains why it is now so holey. AND depending on whether the stupid sideways wisdom tooth is part of my bite or not, it may or may not get to stay. Nothing like having your wisdom teeth removed twice.

P.S. Dr. McHappyPic and his lil' silver friend have made my toothache about 5 times worse. As in, the pressure from my cheek resting against my tooth sends shooting pains down into my jaw. Good thing he's pretty.

Now Lily. Lily has many cavities, and two teeth need to be extracted, and her jaw is misaligned (a level 2 overbite, for those in the know), and she needs the brackety spacey things because her top jaw is too spacious that the teeth are kind of all floating around with no one to cuddle up to, which makes them do crazy tooth acrobatics, and then she'll need braces when she's 12. The poor dentist pretty much washed his hands of her and referred me to an Pediatric Orthodontist. In fact, she's got so much going on with the rest of her mouth that the doctor didn't even notice that she was missing a third of her front tooth. He let her out of the chair, and I asked him about it, and I got the Blank Stare of Doom that you never ever want to see from your medical professionals. BUT she is now squeeky clean, and the hygenist complemented her on her tooth care habits. And she doesn't even need to floss because of the aforementioned spaciousness of her mouth. Sweet. Now if our teeth could please just stop crumbling of their own accord, that'd be great.

On the plus side, I referred the dental hygenist to BBC, so hopefully she'll come around to straighten out the whole "soda pop in baby bottles" issues there. Not good, people, not good. Don't let your kids get the bad teeth.

Doc told me to take 1000mg of Acetominophen + 800mg Ibuprofen. I have zero cares in the world right now! I'd have a glass of wine, but A) we don't have any, and B) I might die.

Lastly, there really should be more hottie dentists in the world. Because baby, when a hot guy tells you to open your mouth - you do it. No problem-o.

Rachel's appointment is in 3 weeks.
Finnigan's appointment is in a year.
I will have have a standing weekly appointment until then, I am sure.

OH, and I have alignment issues myself AND I need a night guard because I clench and it is destroying my enamel. I'm pretty sure my dentist cried when we left.

This is dentistry I cannot handle

Somehow... I cannot get past the 'HOW' portion of this.

SOMEHOW Lily walked into a parked car and broke her front tooth. Her new, front, ADULT tooth.

HOW she didn't see the huge hulking hunk of metal is beyond me. HOW she walked into it hard enough to break her own toothi is beyond me.

What I'm going to do about it is beyond me. I forsee us spending much time at the dentist for her with her cornerless tooth and me with my cavernous cavity.

First we have to sort out the dental coverage on The Daddy's insurance. Barf.

I hate teeth.

Allergies are kicking my ass

Ugh. Something has bloomed, and my body does not like it. Full on allergy attack. I wised up though, and bought some allergy medicine. Do you think it is working? Yeah, me neither. I even got two different kinds. My ears are still swollen, my nose is still running, and my throat hurts. My eyes are still itchy and watery. I am pretty hot stuff, I tell you what.

Does anything work? I mean, aside from moving?

OUUUUUUCCH

My back is KILLING me. Ever since I had Finnigan and his BIG FAT BOWLING BALL HEAD, my back is royally screwed up.

Right now it hurts to sit. It hurts to stand. It hurts to lay down. I am currently pretzelfied into some kind of combination Downward Dog/fetal position. Anything to take the pressure off.

I need a chiropractor. Or my husband. He knows how to fix it.

:(

The Mommy is sick

And The Kids are NOT. This is not good. My kids are phsychotic. I barely have enough energy to keep up with them when I'm healthy, let alone when my throat hurts, my ear canals are swollen, and my lungs are full of something that won't come out. Ew. All I want is someone to tuck me in and bring me some hot tea. Instead I have to clean the kitchen and pack the kids' bags for tomorrow. I can barely make it off the couch.

I never get sick.

Unless The Daddy is deployed.

Stick is no longer sick

Lily is all better.

Finn's fever started today at noon.

I'm sending Rach to Tibet.

That's three - so that's it, right?

First, Lily was sick and throwing up.
Then, she started having really vivid dreams about her sister scattering food on her bed and that food turning into bugs which were then biting her. This caused her to FREAK. OUT. and took me a good half hour (at 3am) to calm her down and convince her Rachel was asleep, her bed was clean, and there were no bugs.
NOW, she rolled over, bashed her face off her bunk rail, and gave herself a nosebleed.

Sigh. Bad things come in three's - so this is it, right?

Migraine log, day 16,878,135,794,212,348

I get headaches. The bad kind. I've had one for about five days now. It sucks.

Symptoms: Sore head (duh), muscle weakness, sensitivity to light and sound, nausea, I see halos, my depth perception goes all wonky... Ugh.

I'm fairly heavily medicated. Tylenol, codeine (which I'm highly sensitive to, T3's knock me completely out cold), Sumatriptan, Alieve (I big-fat-puffy-heart you, Dawn!), the list goes on.

I top it all off with heavy doses of caffiene.

Then I sleep.

The next day brings the dreaded Headache Hangover. This is a lot like recovering from the flu. You feel like absolute shit. I'd rather recover from childbirth. When I have a migraine, I want to cut open my head and scoop out my own brain.

Anyway, that's where I've been.

I'd rather be blogging.

They're BAAAAAA-AAAACK!!!

Lice.

I hate them.

With a passion.

Seriously, WHERE do they keep COMING FROM??? Because I'll drop it like it's hot! School's out, so no fear there, this house has been THOROUGHLY de-loused, and there are no other cases at daycare. *Tear* Neighbourhood children? Who knows. I swear, if they weren't girls, they'd be bald.

I found exactly ONE egg on Finnigan. My own personal theory is that his hair is so sparse and fine that Mommy Louse just couldn't hang on. I don't know what's more disturbing - the fact that I found a nit on my baby, or that there's a random louse on the loose... Here's hoping she went overboard OUTSIDE. *Shudder*

Rachel... Oh my dear sweet Rachel... Complete and Total Infestation. HOURS spent hunkered over her butt-length, curly/wavy/thick hair that is, sadly, the same colour as the damn parasites. HOURS. I shit you not. We had to break for meals, half her hair done up Laia-style, and spritzed with Lice-away to hopefully prevent cross-contamination. The poor girl was absolutely SHAKING at the end from having to stay still as stone for so long with her neck at totally unnatural angles. I can't tell you what it was like to just KNOW you didn't get them all - not because you didn't try your ass off, but because there were SOOOOO many that the odds are just NOT on your side.

Lily was pretty clear. She had less than the first breakout a few months back.

So, hours spent nitpicking before lice-treatments, then the 12-hour lice treatment (which is actually a scabies treatment - ask me more if you're interested. My Dr. recommended it, he says it's the be-all end-all of lice treatments) then 3x tea-tree shampooing each, then I blow-dried the girls' hair dead straight. This is a new step I've added. It's kind of like putting their little heads in the dryer. I figure that heat CAN'T be good for any remaining bugs, and I tell ya - straightening their hair made nit-picking SO. MUCH. EASIER! Holy softness, batman. For those that know us IRL, I'll have to post pics. The girls look soooo different with straight hair! Lily says she "likes [herself] sooo much better [that] way!!!". Lol, Laly... Nuked the bedrooms. Bagged the unwashables, dryer-ed the unwettables, and threw the rest in the washing machine. Vaccumed everything that wasn't a child. Vaccuumed, flipped, and rotated the mattresses. Waterproofed them. New-sheeted them. Removed all stuffed animals and superfluous bedding from room. Threw out pillows. Nit-picked AGAIN. Lice-away'ed their hair, put it in tight braids, and sent them to bed. I'm exhausted.

Tomorrow, I get to do most of that all over again.

VACCINATE

VACCINATE

YOUR DAMN

KIDS

PLEASE.

It's called "Herd Immunity", google it. It's what eradicated polio. Don't remember polio? Little kids in iron lungs? HERD IMMUNITY. Let me put it in stupid people layman's terms: if you innoculate immunize protect all possible hosts people from a certain disease sickness, then the sickness will simply cease to be. It will be "evolved out". It's like playing an active role in natural selection. For the GOOD of ALL MANKIND. So the next time your namby-pamby whiny, ignorant self opts out of giving little Jimmy a widdle bitty needle because it might give him a big bad owwie which results in a big, fat, crocodile tear - I would personally like to thank you for your stellar role in keeping atrocities like measles, mumps, and rubella alive and well in our society.

And don't give me that crap about the preservatives being linked to Autism. Ketchup has been linked to cancer, but I'll bet you still have that in your fridge. There's no proof that child wouldn't be autistic anyway. At least he'll be HEALTHY and autistic. I'll take the autistic kid over the kid with rubella (she'll be the one with all the unexplained miscarriages), mumps (the infertile kid with testicular swelling and inflamed salivary glands), or measles (ahh, popularity in the form of three C's - Cough, Coryza, and Conjunctivitis). Providing, of course, that they're not dead. But hey, beats the hell out of a NEEDLE, no??

If we're not ALL immunized, we might as well none of us do it. Break them up if you must, just do it.

For the sake of society,

VACCINATE

YOUR DAMN

KIDS

PLEASE

LICE: Round 1a

(I couldn't put "round 2", because then you might think they'd spread. They haven't, they're just hearty bastards)

Ok, I nit picked Lily for TWO AND A HALF HOURS today. In the brightest sunshine, and then I slathered every single hair on her head with a healthy coat of vaseline (I SO don't have the stomache for more mayonnaise...) and a shower cap. Seriously, I used a bamboo skewer and went through EVERY. SINGLE. HAIR.

ONE. BY. ONE.

I've gone blind, I swear it. I'm typing by feel. (I'm just that awesome)

But as far as I can tell, the lice are gone. For today.

Would it be totally trashy to just dye her hair? Would it even work? A little peroxide can't be GOOD for the little critters...

Gotta go boil my hands, combs, and tweezers... Tomorrow is another day.

Itchy itchy scratchy scratchy, ooh I got one on my Laly...

Lily has LICE.

OH. SHIT.

Lily has:

• Had her hair treated with chemical lice killer gunk.
• Been special tea tree oil shampoo'd.
• Been nit-picked (literally!).
• Been oiled & vinegared.
• Been tea tree oiled.
• Been nit-picked AGAIN.
• Been tea tree oiled AGAIN.
• Been mayonnaised.
• Been sent to bed.

I felt like a chimpanzee sitting there picking bugs out of her hair. No, I didn't eat them. I was trying too hard to not hurl. Blah blah blah, lice like clean hair, I GET IT. Still nasty.

Even more nasty though? Mayonnaise. Especially great gelatinous gobs of it being slathered onto someone's head. I'm throwing up a little just reliving it.

Now off I must go, to put my house in the dryer, high heat, 30 minutes. Hopefully it doesn't shrink...

Thoughts on teeth.

Finnigan has 6 teeth. Lillian just lost her 5th, with another hanging on by a thread. Coincidence? Or does the toothfairy keep tabs on these things? Like, each family can only have x number of teeth at any given moment. Maybe I should donate a few of mine before Lily loses so many teeth she's stuck eating food Finnigan has long mastered. I have enough trouble keeping meat on her bones feeding her a carefully concocted diet of red meat-and-fried foods with a carb-and-lard chaser. Sometimes, when she's sleeping, I make her drink bacon fat. Daddy's high-protein muscle-building shakes double as chocolate milk. I add baby cereal to her juice and make smoothies. And STILL, if you turn her sideways, she dissappears. This vindictive beyotch of a toothfairy is NOT HELPING. If she loses any more teeth I'm going to have to hook her up with a IV of sour cream and mayonnaise.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Thith ith thtill THO thweet!

Lily was at a playdate today, bashed her face off of her friends bunkbed, and knocked out her two front teeth. Do we carry collision insurance with the toothfairy?

Waiter, there's pesticides/herbicides/fungicides/growth hormones in my soup...

A rose, by any other name... Could very well be Genetically Modified.

I got a new book about Organic food and all of it's benefits. I may never eat commercially produced food again. Seriously. Did you know that mass-produced corn has been genetically modified with DNA from a human COLON CANCER CELL to grow faster? I'm without words. Mmmm, how about a big ol' ear of colon cancer with dinner?!? Disgusting. Don't get me started on the plight of milk, chickens, and even chocolate.

I'm moving to the midwest and joining a hippy commune.

Further Updates:

• Lillian does indeed have strep. She's on antibiotics. She's also on day 3 of missed school, set to return tomorrow after she stops being contagious.
• Rachel has the GI flu. She is also on day 3 of missed school, and can't return until she stops exploding out of both ends.
• I got swabbed today for Strep also. Doc is worried this super cold I have is wanting to become Strep. I'm on day 3 of wishing the kids were in school.
• Finnigan is just Finnigan. Not so much as a stray booger.

Not Suitable for Those with Weak Stomachs:

Let's be clear about one thing. I have no problem dealing with poop. I do it every day. Wipe, Diaper, Repeat. I even use cloth diapers, so dealing with the messier messes is just part of my day. However, there is a difference between the mess an 8mo, new-to-solids baby makes, and that of a 5 year old with the runs. :( Poor Rachel.

How can I put this delicately?

...

I can't. She left a trail of poo from her bed, to the bathroom, and then all the way down the hall to the living room where I finally intercepted her. At least my cold is still controlling my sinuses, so I couldn't smell a thing! After I got the living room, hallway, and bathroom all sanitized, cleaned her all up and tucked her safe and sound back into a cleaned bed with her little sippy cup, I turned to leave and...

... Stepped BAREFOOT into a big squishy puddle of poo. I could have cried. I think a little part of me died in that moment.

Lesson Number One: Light up the house like a surgical suite when hunting poo. Leave no rug unturned, no chair unmoved.

Lesson Number Two: Wear shoes. Always.

Lesson Number Three: Sick child + Pull Up = A lot less to blog about. In a good way.

Updates:

• Rachel is still complaining of an upset tummy, and has been living on water and juice for the last 24 hours. She stayed home from school today, and probably will again tomorrow. Over the course of last night, she threw up on every clean blanket I own, so today was dedicated to laundering them.
• Lillian's throat is feeling better, but now her legs are hurting. She too missed school today. I know it's selfish, but I'd really rather she not pass around whatever it is she's got. She didn't complain about her ears hurting all day.
• Both girls have chapped everything from all the mucous they've been marinating in.
• My throat is doing much better, as are my ears. The cold I have is being more stubborn and is still hanging around.
• Finnigan is miserable about SOMETHING. Could be a sore throat, could be teething, could have an itchy tag on his clothes. He doesn't sound any worse for the wear, just not quite himself.
• We all stayed in our pajamas all day. :)

Just so everyone knows...

Lillian has so graciously shared her sore throat with me. So if I sound like I swallowed a frog next time we speak, it's because my glands are swollen to the size of kiwis, and as much as I like you, I really don't want to talk right now.

My phone is now working though, so if I need you, I can and will call.