And this week's Stupidity Award goes to...

The International Shipping department of my company!!! (For those of you "in the loop", this department is headed up by none other than Finn's bio dad. Wait, forget I said that, because then I'll end up looking stupid by ASSociation.)

We are in Canada. We regularly ship outside of Canada. Apparently, some moron with no more sense than the product he's shipping (cough, cough) decided it would be a good idea to ship product secured to and into crates affixed with Robertson Head screws. Robertson Head screws are not a standard screw outside of Canada, thus, utensils meant for manipulating said screws (IE screwdrivers) are not readily available. As in, they do not exist. So, we've got our product, which is primarily made of GLASS, safely and firmly secured in a way that cannot be undone. Additionally, you can't simply destroy the crating without destroying your shipment along with it.

I don't even want to mention this next part... But I have to. Just remember how much you all like me and that I've mentioned how I'm trying to get away from this company, ok? Please??

The company's solution to this problem... Was to simply send along the required screwdrivers to undo the non-standard screws.

Let's run some math, shall we?

Additional costs to ship screwdrivers: Call it 5 screwdrivers per delivery for recievers/install crew x $5ea for cheap-ass screwdrivers bought in bulk... x the 50 or so jobs we currently have on the go out of country... x the 2-200 deliveries per job, because these people are idiots who can't keep track of an 11'x11' blue aluminum window rack, let alone a screwdriver... I don't want to do that math anymore.

Cost of switching to worldwide-standard FLAT HEAD SCREWS? Oh, that's right! They're cheaper!!! We'd be SAVING money!!!

Explain to me again WHY I got busted down to File Clerk?

You only have to pay the fine if the ticket issuer is smarter than you.

I got a parking ticket today. Actually, I got a City of Langley Bylaw Violation Notice for being illegally parked. You see, according to the "officer", I was parked along a "yellow crub". Now, I'm all for obeying the law, but when you give me a ticket, PLEASE SPELL MY VIOLATION CORRECTLY. Because otherwise you'll just irritate me. And when I'm irritated, I'm not a nice person. So I took that ticket straight into City Hall. Picking up a copy of the Langley City Bylaws and a Young Drivers Manual on the way in, I got in line. When I finally got to the clerk woman, our conversation went something like this:

Me: I have been issued this ticket. *Hands over ticket*
Clerk: So how do you want to pay?
Me: I'm not going to pay.
Clerk: You have to pay, you violated the bylaw.
Me: Which bylaw would that be?
Clerk: *Checking ticket* You parked in a no-parking zone.
Me: Hmmm. It says here I parked at a "yellow crub". Would you be so kind as to explain to me what a yellow crub is and where I would find one? I was not aware of the parking restrictions near yellow crubs.
Clerk: There's no such thing as a yellow crub.
Me: If there's no such thing as a yellow crub, then how could I possibly violate a bylaw surrounding it?
Clerk: *Blank stare* I think it's supposed to mean "curb".
Me: And I think I was supposed to be parked somewhere else.

(At this point she calls her supervisor over)

Me: As I've explained to "Becky" here, I got a ticket for parking along a yellow crub. Becky tells me there's no such thing as a yellow crub. Now, I'm no minimum-wage, ESL bylaw-enforcement officer, but if this ticket says yellow crub, and there's no such thing as a yellow crub, isn't this an invalid ticket?
Supervisor: *Scrutinizing ticket* But it's supposed to be "curb".
Me: Exactly.
Supervisor: So you have to pay.
Me: *Handing over manuals* Soon as you show me where exactly I violated a bylaw by parking at a yellow crub.
Supervisor: I can't do that.
Me: You can't prove I violated a bylaw?
Supervisor: Well, there is no bylaw for yellow crubs, they don't exist.
Me: So I got a ticket for something that's not technically against any bylaw?
Supervisor: But it's SUPPOSED to read "curb".
Me: Probably. But it doesn't. So, once again, does that or does that not invalidate this ticket?
Supervisor: (Long pause) I guess it does.
*Becky cancels the ticket*
Supervisor: Parking along yellow curbs is against the bylaws, though.
Me: Maybe so, but parking along yellow crubs is not. Have a nice day!

Lesson 1: You must be at least 2% smarter than they/that which you are trying to control.
Lesson 2: If you happen to be ticketed by someone >/= 2% dumber than yourself, you don't have to take that ticket seriously.
Lesson 3: If you don't speak english, the City of Langley has got the perfect job for YOU!

BTW, the ticket was for $15. But my way is more fun. ;)