Thursday, 14 February 2008

You only have to pay the fine if the ticket issuer is smarter than you.

I got a parking ticket today. Actually, I got a City of Langley Bylaw Violation Notice for being illegally parked. You see, according to the "officer", I was parked along a "yellow crub". Now, I'm all for obeying the law, but when you give me a ticket, PLEASE SPELL MY VIOLATION CORRECTLY. Because otherwise you'll just irritate me. And when I'm irritated, I'm not a nice person. So I took that ticket straight into City Hall. Picking up a copy of the Langley City Bylaws and a Young Drivers Manual on the way in, I got in line. When I finally got to the clerk woman, our conversation went something like this:

Me: I have been issued this ticket. *Hands over ticket*
Clerk: So how do you want to pay?
Me: I'm not going to pay.
Clerk: You have to pay, you violated the bylaw.
Me: Which bylaw would that be?
Clerk: *Checking ticket* You parked in a no-parking zone.
Me: Hmmm. It says here I parked at a "yellow crub". Would you be so kind as to explain to me what a yellow crub is and where I would find one? I was not aware of the parking restrictions near yellow crubs.
Clerk: There's no such thing as a yellow crub.
Me: If there's no such thing as a yellow crub, then how could I possibly violate a bylaw surrounding it?
Clerk: *Blank stare* I think it's supposed to mean "curb".
Me: And I think I was supposed to be parked somewhere else.

(At this point she calls her supervisor over)

Me: As I've explained to "Becky" here, I got a ticket for parking along a yellow crub. Becky tells me there's no such thing as a yellow crub. Now, I'm no minimum-wage, ESL bylaw-enforcement officer, but if this ticket says yellow crub, and there's no such thing as a yellow crub, isn't this an invalid ticket?
Supervisor: *Scrutinizing ticket* But it's supposed to be "curb".
Me: Exactly.
Supervisor: So you have to pay.
Me: *Handing over manuals* Soon as you show me where exactly I violated a bylaw by parking at a yellow crub.
Supervisor: I can't do that.
Me: You can't prove I violated a bylaw?
Supervisor: Well, there is no bylaw for yellow crubs, they don't exist.
Me: So I got a ticket for something that's not technically against any bylaw?
Supervisor: But it's SUPPOSED to read "curb".
Me: Probably. But it doesn't. So, once again, does that or does that not invalidate this ticket?
Supervisor: (Long pause) I guess it does.
*Becky cancels the ticket*
Supervisor: Parking along yellow curbs is against the bylaws, though.
Me: Maybe so, but parking along yellow crubs is not. Have a nice day!

Lesson 1: You must be at least 2% smarter than they/that which you are trying to control.
Lesson 2: If you happen to be ticketed by someone >/= 2% dumber than yourself, you don't have to take that ticket seriously.
Lesson 3: If you don't speak english, the City of Langley has got the perfect job for YOU!

BTW, the ticket was for $15. But my way is more fun. ;)


Dawn said...

Oh my, that is totally something Del would do.

malisa said...

You should be a lawyer you sneaky illegal crub parker. <3

The Kiger Family said...

Too funny! I would have paid the $15 for you just to be able to watch that happen. Thanks for making me laugh!

Julia said...


EthansMommy said...

LMAO!!! That is so funny! I would have loved to have been witness to that conversation!

DH said...

Wow baby you're such a bitch lol love you :P you are really starting to reming me of somebody the way you tell people to get bent now :P but i just can't seem to put my finger on who you reming me of *me cough cough. lol look out first person to piss us off together

Mainegirl/Pauline said...

OMG that was wonderful to read. I was giggling! I totally agree with you but wounldn't have the guts to do what you did!

nicole said...

Hahahaha. You are good! I would perhabs said something like it AT HOME AFTER paying the ticket.

Michelle said...

OMG!!!! I love it!