I had someone whom I consider to be very close to me say some very hurtful things today. The issue wasn't so much what was said, as how and why. If a sensitive topic must be broached with someone you love, there is a time and a place for that. The time is NOT during the busiest time of the day, and the place is NOT a public space in the middle of a crowd of peers. Choosing the latter options simply adds undue humiliation to already harsh and nonconstructive criticism.
Why? Why say hurtful things at all? Yes, sometimes the truth hurts but needs to be said. But what if the hurtful thing is just an opinion? Worse yet, what if the hurtful things are an opinion based on very few facts, some misinformation, and a generally incomplete knowledge of the situation? What is to be gained then? Is it worth hurting someone in your life just to "get it off your chest"? Are there people in this world who think that hurtful words and actions are going to be the key to changing people they feel are making mistakes in their lives? Or is it more selfish, the adult version of "I'm better than you"? Surely such hurtful things could not have been said for purely altruistic reasons. Such things go beyond bloggity snark, beyond nameless, faceless interweb opinions. They head straight for the heart, and lodge themselves there in all their weighty glory.
I fail to see the benefit in being the recipient of such a monologue. Yes, I have examined what was said. All day long, I've been examining what was said. I do not agree. I know my life, I know my family, and I know what's in my heart. Nowhere in any of it did I find anything to lend merit to what was said. However, the hurt remains. The unnecessary hurt. What was done was not helpful, nor was it beneficial in any way. Alas, it IS done. All that's left is how to deal.
This is a flawed world, and I am a flawed person. Perhaps, in the views of some people, I am fatally flawed. We are all flawed. We alone decide which flaws we can change, which ones we choose to change, and which we must simply accept. In turn, others can decide if the perceived flaws of a person are worth putting up with to have that person in their lives. Sadly, it would seem I am not acceptable as-is. Even more sad - all the other relationships that stand to lose out because of this.
For that, I am deeply sorry.
In my life - I choose love. In my family - I choose love. In my heart - I choose love.
Perhaps it is not I who is so fatally flawed.