Notes to self:

Self, please remember the following:

• You need a new butter dish. Somehow you managed to crack yours.
• You also need a new potato masher. You broke that too.
• You need TOILET PAPER!!! Still!!! The tissues are clogging up the whole complex!
• Two girls + new bubble bath = Clean bathroom floor.
• Nothing gets green sharpie off a white fridge. Yet.
• Children will eat any orange vegetable, as long as you call it "carrots".
• The baby will not eat bananas when you first give them to him. He will instead mash them into all the crevices of his highchair and save them for later. Later he will eat them. When they're good and black.
• You really need to deal with that black spot on the beige carpet that the raw egg left. You may have to use enough chemicals to burn a hole clear through to China, but deal with it already. It's yucky.
• Lay off the snickerdoodles already. Even your fingers are getting fat.

Self, that is all.