Wednesday, 15 April 2009

I got squeegeed

I've heard before about these so-called "Squeegee Kids", kids who lurk at the sides of roads at intersections, wait until you get stuck at a red and then give your windshield a once-over with a squeegee like the one at the gas station (undoubtedly stolen from same) in the hopes of guilting you into ponying up a couple bucks. For a service you never asked for. I'd never seen one in real life though.

Until today.

Today I got squeegeed. Well not *me*, but my windshield. The squeegee-er had dredlocks and cord bracelets, and was wearing one of those weird pullovers that looks like a poncho and a doormat had a bastard baby with arms. I thought it was a boy, but then she spoke. I guess it was the layer of grime that gave the illusion of a 5 o'clock shadow.

They don't even ask, or signal, or give you time to protest, they just leap out in front of your car and start CLEANING it! Except... My windshield was cleaner before she assaulted my car. Which made me feel a little irritated. I didn't ask her to do it, or look at her even, or give her any kind of sign I required her services. So she squeegee's me with dirty water and then stands there looking to see if I'm digging in my purse? Am I supposed to be paying for the distraction of staring at the little red light in the sky?

I did not feel bad at all about not having any cash whatsoever on my person. Or Car-son. Unless she works for petrified french fries or the fuzzy little mints from the bottom of my purse, she's SOL. Meh, I'm not losing any sleep.

How much do squeegee kids really expect to make, though? A big ol' jug of windshield wash is like $2.00, and you get about 100 uses, right? So, if my car can wash my windshield for about two pennies and the push of a button, what's the cost of a wash with questionable water and no labour (on my behalf)? One penny? Less than that? I don't really like fractions. The way I figure, I had to push my little button and have my car wash a now-dirty windshield that had been perfectly FINE before she stepped in. That cost me two cents, PLUS the one cent for her to do it. I WANT MY THREE CENTS BACK! Squeegee weirdos should be paying US for their services!

Maybe they are the evil hench-people of the Big Winshield Wash Company, sent forth to bully us all into using more and more and MORE washer fluid all the time! Tsk, tsk. That stuff kills cats, you know.

Hear that Squeegie Girl? Every time you squeegie someone, God kills a kitten. Shame on you. Get a real job.

Next time I'm gonna run the red and make you into a road pancake. Then your similarly dirty and dreadlocked buddy over than can use HIS squeegee to clean you off the asphalt.





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