Monday, 11 February 2008

Cryogenics for the Suburban SAHM.

I went into my storage room today and came hand-almost-to-body with a big, gross, 8-legged demon err, spider. I do not like spiders. And he was on my turf! Fighting off a fit of revulsion, I slowly reached out my hand for something to smash it to smithereens with, while making sure to never break eye contact lest he jump on me or touch me in any way. The first thing I touched was a can of compressed air, more commonly used to clean the dust out of my computer keyboard. I swear I grew horns and a pointed tail at this exact moment. I released the safety. I lined up the nozzel. I LET 'ER RIP!!! I flash-froze the little bastard right where he stood. *Insert evil smiley*. Now, the idea of squashing a now frozen spider is less scary - but just as gross - as squashing a live spider. But, having never freeze-dried another living being before, I'm not quite sure if it will still be alive once it "thaws". So I did what any other woman would do. I trapped it under a cup. Pity the first man to knock on my door, he shall be put on spider-squashing patrol. ;) So there he remains, looking out on the world with an icy, frozen stare, from his upturned glass purgatory.

*Of special note: If you ever trap a frozen spider under a cup, and then nudge the spider with the cup, it will skitter across the horizontal surface like a little frozen-spider air-hockey puck. I'm so going to Hell...

1 comment:

Julia said...

LMAO! That so sounds like something I would do.